I must confess: there has been more than one occasion in my life when I could have used an extra square. Few things are more awkward and frustrating than having dropped trou and done your business, only to realize there is either one square, a scrap of a square, or simply no square at all. Perhaps you’re too embarrassed to ask your neighbor for a spare, perhaps she rudely declined (as happened to our friend Elaine), or perhaps you’re in an airport bathroom in eastern Europe, and your neighbor does not understand a word you’re saying.
After several hand gestures under the stall, you manage to acquire a precious square. But in a cruel twist of fate, you realize all too late that the square is nothing like the Quilted Northern, Cottonelle, or even Scott Tissue that you’re used to. Oh no – this foreign object rubs like sandpaper on your cheeks. You’ve just encountered an unfortunate product that Communism left behind.
The rumors are true: I’ve been to Russia, Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic. The businesses, restaurants, and airports I’ve spent time in all stock the same brand of t.s. (toilet sandpaper). Oh, it’s ever so slightly better than Istanbul where there’s often no toilet paper at all in public bathrooms. So said my guidebook, and it was correct.
After running from bathroom to bathroom at Moscow’s Sheremetyevo Airport last summer looking for a stall with at least three squares, I never travel without this ingenious product from the thoughtful developers at Charmin:
I get mine at Target (which has a huge selection of travel-size products), where you can also find Charmin’s seat cover to-go pack, which could potentially save you several squares of Charmin t.p.
Be sure to put these in your carry-on, and you’ll always have a square – whether you choose to spare one or not.
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I keep rereading it because it makes me laugh!