Whenever I need a good chuckle, and a reminder of what not to wear, I look to the bulletin board in my office where this is pinned:
knockknock.biz
Some of my coworkers found this “Fashion Citation” by Knock Knock at a local gift store and brought it into work. The tickets come in a pad like real tickets would, so several of us now have citations of our own – some because we’ve committed these crimes recently, and others (like myself) who nearly peed our pants while reading this list of ways we may have offended the Fashion Gods (who are often referred to as Stacey and Clinton) and had to have a ticket just for the laugh factor.
Or so I thought. Turns out that at some point in my lifetime I’ve committed these crimes. No, I’m not going to share pictures.
Crimes I’ve committed in the distant past:
- Holiday Sweater (and matching accessories): Ok, I was in junior high in the early 90′s, but is that an excuse? Not only did I have a holiday sweatshirt (lovingly appliqued by me and my mom), but I had Christmas tree earrings and this annoying jingle-bell necklace, and socks with presents on them. I had earrings and socks for every other major holiday, too. Dork.
- Leather Issues: One night in college my friends and I headed out to a bar and I wore an entirely leather outfit: pants, boots, gloves, and coat (a long car coat, not even a motorcycle jacket). I thought I was the sh**. My friends just thought it was sh***y. Note that this bar is in Mystic, Connecticut and not somewhere that cowboys, gangsters, or S&M-ers frequent.
- Stirrup Stretch Pants: I already mentioned that I was in junior high in the early 90′s, so that explains it. But I did see a pair at Macy’s recently and almost dropped dead. These are things that shouldn’t come back in style. Wear skinny jeans if you want your pants to fit into boots.
orientaltrading.com
nordstrom.com
Crimes I’ve likely committed recently:
- Matchy-matchy: This depends on what you consider to be matchy-matchy. Would I wear a monochromatic outfit that wasn’t black? No. Does my belt always match my shoes and handbag? Pretty much. Do I still wear hair scrunchies that match my sweater and earrings and socks? No. Do I wear scruchies at all? Again, no.
- VPL: I don’t intentionally wear pants that are too tight, but sometimes the VPL just can’t be helped. I’ve never gotten over the fact that wearing a thong is the equivalent of giving yourself a wedgie, and will only wear one during the day if absolutely necessary. There ya go – my T.M.I. for the day.
fashionette-work.blogspot.com
Crimes I’d never commit in fashion or decor:
- Accessories Abuse: I’m terrified of looking like a Christmas tree (now that I don’t wear those horrible earrings anymore) and wear very little jewelry. The same can be said for my house.
- Trend Victimization: I prefer to spend my dough on clothes that are classic.
A crime that should be listed on the Fashion Citation:
vibramfivefingers.com
A guy at work has w0rn these on more than one occasion. I’ve seen him wear very nice outfits and normal shoes, so I have no idea why he sometimes sports these in the workplace. I’m sure they’re great for hiking or whatever he does on the weekends, but sitting in your office? Hmm. Better than no shoes at all, which was a hot debate at work recently.
Have you committed any fashion crimes lately or know someone who has? Ever contributed anything to Glamour magazine’s “Do’s and Don’ts” or desperately wanted to but didn’t have a camera handy?
Yesterday at Target I saw a woman in her early 60s who I desperately wished I had a camera for. Bleached blond hair with split ends in a banana clip. Black stretch pants with low high heeled boots. Black leather purse with fringe. And the piece de resistance….. short black leather jacket that had been bejeweled!
Sometimes I want to go up to people and ask if they were near a mirror when they got dressed…then I quickly remember that I’m sure people want to say the same thing to me on occasion
Oh man I remember those jingle bell necklaces; I used to horde them and wear them all at the same time. Ok, in my defense I was like 7 at the time
There is absolutely NO excuse for the “toe.” I take issue with pattern on pattern though. It can be quite cute when done right! No scrunchies? Don’t you know Topshop is selling them? That means their in again. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Hilarious! Sometimes I wish I had a camera with me everywhere and could covertly take pictures for the blog — I’d be like an undercover fashion PI!
That said, I’ve committed (in the distant past, aka the early 90s) both #1 and 3 myself, perhaps simultaneously. My mom, sister and I all had matching sweatshirts with giant Xmas trees on them with ornaments as buttons. In fact, my mom had made them and I recall LOVING them…*sigh*
This is hilarious. I did a VPL post a while back.
I used to have stirrup pants in the 90′s too, but never with high heels! I used to work with a woman who regularly wore black hose with white vinyl shoes throughout the winter. BTW, those toe shoes scared the hell out of me.